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Forum Home » High Critique » Honest Critique please

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/3/2019 5:08:11 AM

J.D. Cromwell
Posts: 16
The following poem is my first attempt of an allegory. It clearly describes a quick violent thunder storm, however, my intent was to represent having gone through some kind of abuse, like domestic violence, being the target of a narcissist, self abuse, or other types of abuse.

I don’t want to get too deep into the meaning of each line or word because I like the reader to interpret things for themselves. This poem holds a certain meaning for me but I’d also like it to mean something to the reader.

A wise person once told me that “the only way out of hell is to go through it”. I’d like to follow that with, “and if you make it through, there are brighter days waiting.”



Sinister Eye

Something sinister this way comes.
Ominous clouds have gather’d overhead.
Unkept rhythm of beating drums.
Relentless feeling of unnerving dread.

Fallen leaves wrenched from their slumber.
The sun has fled from the frightening scene.
Flash of light and rolling thunder.
A distant creatures cry, sounds like a scream.

Falling rain crashes on the ground!
The violence is like a nightmarish dream!
Roars and howls blot out other sound!
What brought about this elemental fiend?

The evil eye has now passed by.
The fiend has lessened its projected fear.
But those with wings still dare not fly
The other sounds you can begin to hear.

As quickly as the Devil came,
The calmness returns like it was before.
The clouds depart to halt the rain,
And the sun bares down its warmth once more.


~J.D. Cromwell~
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10/5/2019 11:13:30 PM

Regina McIntosh
Posts: 12
Honestly, I've never written an allegory form - but your poem is truly a exceptional write. I love how you've written it and believe you should add poet's notes with it to help the reader to understand even better. It's a wonderful poem. God bless you
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10/7/2019 4:17:55 AM

J.D. Cromwell
Posts: 16
Thank you, Gina.
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10/11/2019 7:21:54 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
Great attention to meter.

I think without the note I would have no clue this is about surviving domestic violence or narcissism.
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