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8/29/2019 7:57:48 PM J.D. Cromwell Posts: 16	The Well The Watcher watches all the watchers for the Watcher knows That what the watchers are watching is something to behold But what are they watching, the Watcher can’t tell For it appears to be only a plain looking well The Watcher asks and pleads for the watchers to state Why they are watching this plain looking well and what is its fate But the watchers don’t budge, they don’t make a peep Why they are watching, that secret they will keep The Watcher is frustrated, he wants to know why The Watcher gets angry, so mad he may cry The Watcher yells at the watchers, the Watcher abuses by voice But the watchers keep watching like they don’t have a choice The Watcher watches their faces he studies their stance The Watcher looks on for hours not just a glance Curiosity sets in, the anger subsided “I’ll examine this well” the Watcher decided The Watcher looks all around it then peers the inside Too dark to see bottom, a good place to hide The Watcher looks, he stares, he steadies his gaze A peculiar scent arose, put his head in a daze He stumbles backward, refocuses eyes The Watcher stands like a statue, can’t move but he tries He stares at the sight, can hardly believe Frozen by fright, there will be no reprieve The Watcher stands and he stares like the watchers before him All the watchers scared stiff the sight dreadful and so grim The watchers all watching, all watching in line The watchers keep watching bound to watch throughout time There they all stand watching that plain looking well when... A new watcher happens upon them, starts watching and then... J.D. Cromwell edited by J.D. Cromwell on 8/29/2019 edited by J.D. Cromwell on 9/14/2019
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9/10/2019 2:11:37 AM J.D. Cromwell Posts: 16	Bump
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9/10/2019 2:38:44 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	A delicately spooky vibe, but it’s missing something to deepen it. I want to say clarity - my mind was to busy trying to understand what was being presented to lose myself in the potential horror. The goal of the piece seems to be to evoke horror by using both the unknown and the effect on/ reaction of the watchers. I think this is still a good direction to explore artistically, so will need to examine more closely what else might need work. Reiterating the term “the watchers” and “the Watcher” so frequently I think might be an artistic mistake. ‘Might’ being the important word in that sentence. In some works frequent repetition can deepen it; I believe there is a little spoken of genre of poetry called trance poetry that relies on certain techniques to induce light trance-like states, and I believe frequent repetition is one of the techniques employed. (You’ll be happy to know Poe’s poem Annabel Lee is considered a trance poem, if it is read with the appropriate tone and cadence). However, in this instance, I think the repetition flattens the poem rather than deepens it; perhaps not so much because of the repetition itself but because it is a repetition of something uncertain that the mind continues to stay active trying to figure out. Keeping the mind stuck on a question keeps it alert and agitated rather than letting it sink into a pleasent familiar certainty. I would change ‘the Watcher’ to ‘I’; make the poem first person. In this instance this is to use the first person perspective as a vehicle for the reader to live within the work vicariously. The ‘I’ becomes the reader’s avatar. I would make the title of the poem ‘The Watchers’, and use the phrase perhaps more sparingly in the poem, and only after the watchers have been described. Giving us a description of the watchers settles the mind a bit, gets it to stop asking questions whenever you say ‘the watchers’; we can picture it. I would suggest people from very different walks of life, nothing in common except the fact they are all watching the well. Giving them individualities that are so different, but contrasting it with the unifying act of watching the well creates a tension and keeps the focus on the well, because then the mind begins to wonder, what is it about the well that has brought all of these people that shouldn’t be together together. It begins to give the well its character. It deepens the strangeness of the situation. Also, the diversity of people will also contrast with the plainness of the well. This is an indirect characterization of the well - it’s power to effect so many different people (which attests to the idea the reader isn’t safe either) The well must be treated as it’s own character. In addition to the indirect characterization by adding detail to the watchers, I don’t think it would hurt to be very descriptive of just how plain the well is. Describing it in detail will allow the reader to authentically feel it is a plain well themselves. It is not necessarily wrong to say simply it is a plain well, but follow it up with a stanza describing the well. The narrator is the protagonist and the well is the antagonist in the story. The well merits a bit of drama, even in its plainness. The description of looking into the well and the smell I think is good as is, though it’s not entirely clear if it is simply gross at the bottom or exerting a supernatural force. The unknown is most powerful here, and that is good, but if it is plain horror rather than supernatural power, this needs to be tidied up a bit, maybe. Your ear for the sound of your lines is good. The meter is written instinctually rather than by craft. When you become more familiar with crafted meter, and gain skill in scansion you’ll be better able to examine the meter deliberately for yourself. In the meantime, a good trick is to read your work aloud, noticing wherever doesn’t flow smoothly, or trips the tongue, etc... Would be fun to see the next draft of this! edited by superlativedeleted on 9/10/2019
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9/11/2019 7:25:09 AM J.D. Cromwell Posts: 16	Superlativedeleted, Thank you once again for a great critique. There’s a lot to consider here. The only thing I’d disagree with, however, is changing it to first person. My reason being, the first person is being incapacitated and could never tell of their experience, this is something that bugs me in literature when reading first person, but maybe that’s just me. I will agree, there is definitely room for improvement and I am up to the challenge. Again, thank you for your expertise
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9/12/2019 7:42:22 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Sure thing. All of my feedback is just for exploration and consideration. Author gets final say.
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9/14/2019 10:35:22 PM J.D. Cromwell Posts: 16	WillowWarbler wrote: Initial thoughts: what is a plain looking well? One that isn't plain. And, I'll stop now because, 'it's' is it is. I'm only into a few lines. Hey, that's what they do to me. You're a million miles from real critique, buddy. Trust me. edited by WillowWarbler on 9/13/2019 edited by WillowWarbler on 9/13/2019 Plain: with little or no embellishment, decoration, or enhancing elaboration. I think “A plain looking well” is clearly self descriptive. Yes, “it’s” is “it is”. Was a slight typo on my part. Most likely an autocorrect mishap. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I can’t accurately express how excited I am to travel those million miles to get a real critique.
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