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7/13/2019 11:27:34 PM Michelo Mweetwa Posts: 4	I stood in the middle of a rose garden I watched nature map out its own pattern I quietly listened out for the budding And heard the sound of a bee buzzing I stood in the middle of a rose garden I saw withering evened out by blossom I sought after a floating flutter I sought after the wings of a flower What could be missing in this scenicbotany? Aroma and beauty is not the onlyexpectancy It feels like a beauty palour withouthairdressers It feels like a sweet flavor withouttaste-testers The greeter of the flower buds The day watch of rosariums The symbol of a warm welcome Is in the romance of a butterfly Daylight misses their soundless claps Daylight misses their flight We clipped their colorful flaps When we killed all the butterflies
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7/14/2019 6:05:16 PM Devotchka Lovingrace Posts: 5	Perhaps reflect on the "I" lines. It reads very much like "I did this", "I did that" which really loses focus. Stood in the middle of a rose garden I watched nature map out its own pattern Quietly listened for the buzzing Also I really like the imagery and pace until I get to the joined words. I dont know why these are joined and it doesn't affect pace. It really throws me off and makes it hard to enjoy the themes you've laid down. I like the rhyming and I like that you've mixed in half rhymes too. I really like half rhymes. Hope this helps. edited by Devotchka on 7/14/2019
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