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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Autumn

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/6/2011 1:46:49 PM

Michelle Beck
Posts: 2
The lids of my heavy eyes flutter to widen,
The velvet of night caresses my skin.
My bones creek like ancient monuments,
My nerves are shattered by that incessant din.
As my mind rouses to sustenance,
The sharp spray of ice is absorbed by my face.
A faint glow of golden orange in the landscape appears,
The crisp smell of the season change in all it's autumnal grace.
Discontent and annoyance fades,
like the sun of summers gone by.
I step out into this glorious colour pallet, embrace the taste, the smell,
as the chill of the wind steals a tear from my eye.
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10/6/2011 9:39:17 PM

Valerie Sherman
Posts: 5
michelle my belle wrote:
The lids of my heavy eyes flutter to widen,
The velvet of night caresses my skin.
My bones creek like ancient monuments,
My nerves are shattered by that incessant din.
As my mind rouses to sustenance,
The sharp spray of ice is absorbed by my face.
A faint glow of golden orange in the landscape appears,
The crisp smell of the season change in all it's autumnal grace.
Discontent and annoyance fades,
like the sun of summers gone by.
I step out into this glorious colour pallet, embrace the taste, the smell,
as the chill of the wind steals a tear from my eye.
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10/6/2011 9:46:21 PM

Valerie Sherman
Posts: 5
I love the way the feelings of your piece flows through my very senses. I felt as if I am where you are describing. "the sun of summers gone by" I felt the strength of the sun when it first shone on my face...but as time fades events from the mind, the warmth mellows..to a memory. Good Job!!
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10/7/2011 5:15:22 AM

Michelle Beck
Posts: 2
Yeah - Thank you. I really appreciate your comments.
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