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Forum Home » High Critique » Here's my cherry...

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6/12/2019 5:50:36 PM

Julia Thomas-Ficken
Posts: 17
I keep editing this trying to figure out what form fits it and I cant decide between a Quatrain or a Ballad...
When I began writing I was never taught forms. So this is all new to me.....I hesitate to even say why name them but then I am always up to learning & grammar USUALLY is my forte lol

*deep breath...here goes.





I cry sometimes..wondering why I'm here

So I ask God about it as He’s drying my tears

I tell him how I wake up at night with no one to hold ...

& ask "Is this what it will be like when I get old"?




I guess I never thought about the consequences that my choices would bring

But I realize now, that's probably how I lost my ring.

I'm asking You now is that what I did?

Are those choices the reason I don't have a kid?




Please tell me ! Explain!

Was I really that wild?

Now I'm left alone..

I feel I needed that child.




He quickly answers “ A parent? A child? No. I still disagree.”

“That's not at all how it was meant to be.”

“The life you led was completely out of control”

I knew you couldn't handle something you had to console”



"So I gave you words, your poetry,

Your sculpting & then your "Julzery",

“Focus on those joys & all those passions making you sing.”

"Stop dwelling on not having any of your own offspring.”




I won't show you the future or even say why”

“Because I'll always give gifts that no money can't buy “

“Don't lose your faith, keep believing & in time you'll see"

"Please never doubt you're alone, because you always have Me”




“By the way...you're not old...He mutters,"

Then winks an eye as He flashes that smile...

“I’m still in control...just give Me awhile.”
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