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Forum Home » High Critique » New poem that needs work

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/4/2019 9:45:12 PM

Carter Kiser
Posts: 2
I am new to poetry and this is my second poem I have ever created. I went for a spoken word/story telling kind of poem. Please critique this hard as I want to get better and need to know my flaws. Thank you in advance!




Able


His eyes followed the rolling ball
They glossed over the runners
And bounced with the ones jumping rope
A gaze full of envy
A dissonance of jealousy and disconnection ruled his personal orchestra
His name was Steven
Steven Walker
And all his life people were a little bit taller
They looked down on him
Physically and socially
People felt he had nothing to add because he was mute
Steven's cerebral palsy took not just his voice
But his movement too
What it could not touch was his mind
Holding a gift that his Walls of Jericho confined
Steven had intelligence that was truly sublime
He grasped difficult concepts with ease
And was miles ahead of the other kids
All while being stationary in his seat
Steven had a caretaker named John
Who stood by his side every day
And helped Steven realize that his limitations were not a hindrance
But a symbol of God's willingness
To stick to the least of those
Including the one's who are paralyzed above and below their torso
Steven realized everyone is a work of art
And he liked being different
Because how boring would a gallery be if all the pieces were the same
Steven kept working on his degree
And on graduation day
Everyone was able to see
Not a boy who was lame
But a man who overcame
The instruments that caused such dissonance
And created a symphony
It is said in Heaven you get a new name at the gate
Yet Steven's arrived at an earlier date
He was no longer plagued by the mocking name of "Walker"
But revered with new labels
"Doer"
"Thinker"
"Believer"
All his life he was told he can't, couldn't, and wouldn't
And that day he showed he could, would, and did
He never gave up and proved that the only push he truly needed
Was the one from his handlebars
Steven may not have been a walker
or a runner
or a jumper
But the biggest thing Steven wasn't
Was a quitter
edited by Qandey on 6/4/2019
edited by Qandey on 6/4/2019
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