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Forum Home » High Critique » That of Mine

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/21/2019 9:09:45 PM

Hamzat Adams
Posts: 1
Days seems dark
While sky song sing so bright
That of mine shall never lack
Thee in heart at light
We strive without knife
With all our pens on table
Inks which links us to life
For Thou love is incomparable
Let my voice be heard
Within you my power lies
Among those of many head
In source of heaven eyes
Unfading you shall be
Even when world forsake me

--
Ops
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5/6/2019 12:55:23 PM

Jeaunice Burnette
Posts: 8
Okay, I thought this was an intriguing poem.
I liked how you utilized alliteration in the second line.

The internal rhyme in line seven was a nice touch.

You had vivid visual imagery in this piece.

I especially enjoyed the beginning lines.

However, I was quite confused about the overall theme of the poem.

Is this a love poem? Or is it about writing?

I guess the lack of punctuation made it difficult for me to comprehend your piece.

I mean no disrespect. I actually would like to know more about what inspired you.

It was a very creative piece. Keep writing; you have a lot of potential.
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