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Forum Home » High Critique » Farewell for Now, Poetry Soup

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/27/2019 12:41:34 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 136
The soup has spilled
boiling hot
into my lap.

Howl upon howl
cools nothing.

I must go
and leave an empty bowl

where it lies on the floor.
edited by superlativedeleted on 3/27/2019
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4/3/2019 11:20:01 PM

Quoth TheRaven
Posts: 2
Jack,
I remember reading this and other honest critiques of yours.

This isn't an epitaph

An epitaph would be like:

They buried her by the train,
still waiting for her father.

I hope I have something worthy of your honest opinion someday.
-Richard

--
QuothTheRaven
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4/15/2019 12:11:35 PM

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 238
Jack’s gone to a higher place
his time spent here not wasted
seems we, of simple mind set
will miss his practiced phrases


no more has our friend of note
time for us heathen folks
his mind got set for better things
while we wallow in our words


for nothing makes for better smiles
than those efforts people make
to help their fellow bumpkins
carve out much better phrases


*****

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4/15/2019 12:16:16 PM

James Fitz-Gerald
Posts: 2
Bob, I really liked the poem. Really down to earth. Thank you.


no more has our friend of note
time for us heathen folks
his mind got set for better things
while we wallow in our words


for nothing makes for better smiles
than those efforts people make
to help their fellow bumpkins
carve out much better phrases


*****

p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }
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