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11/13/2018 12:58:43 PM Alexandra Khamoji Posts: 4	Hey guys I wrote this poem and would like people to critique it. ENSNARE A pendant so shiny, covered in shroud, Decorated and designed with every longing to ensnare, Ensnare the remaining corpse of a love that rot, Beguiling enough it was, that it did soothe that angry rot, And a moment there was when the decay was forgot, But for the facade, soon the worms did sprout, And allies, became for the rot, Attracting the scavengers that finished the corpse to nought.
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11/19/2018 1:21:14 PM Frank Frank Posts: 15	A pendant so shiny, covered in shroud, I'm having trouble picturing this. A shroud tightly wraps a dead person (or thing in this case), so how do we see the shininess of the pendant. And "in shroud" doesn't mean anything to me; maybe "in a shroud"? The rest of the poem is similarly troubled. Not sure what the point is of repeating "rot" and the clumsy attempt to rhyme some lines (rot, forgot, sprout, nought), but not the first two lines. Maybe write out in prose what you're trying to say; use declarative sentences. Then you'll get your message straight and it will be easier to poeticize it in a way that will make sense to us (we're not mind readers).
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