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11/8/2018 9:43:04 AM Frank Frank Posts: 15	Readable, but readability is rarely sufficient in a poem. You need some fresh language and ideas. Leafless trees that are "naked" and colorful leaves that are "autumn finery" are both cliches, as is "innocence of youth". "Where now the innocence of youth / And the boldness of summer?" 2nd line is not bad, but you need something a bit more original here. Remember that you're basically restating what a zillion poems have already said and where one of the most famous lines of French poetry in a common translation says "Where are the snows of yesteryear?" Rewrite this so we have something a little more memorable and then maybe try to answer the question (just an idea). Days that are "fleeting": also kind of cliched. Give us something that tells us how they're fleeting. Example: Bukowski wrote "The days run away like wild horses over the hills". You don't forget that image, of something that you can't catch. The "your" in line 6 presumably refers to summer, but maybe the narrator is addressing himself? Last two lines: what if you put this is present tense and tell us how the passage is "marked", etc. - otherwise pretty vague.
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12/2/2018 2:39:44 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	wow. I've never seen a guest remove a poem before. I'm very sad I didn't get the opportunity to read it.
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