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10/31/2018 3:25:45 PM Susan Rigo Posts: 1	Three Gifts The gift of listening Not merely to hear the words, but to feel them To feel the meaning and emotion behind them To listen with your heart The ability to impart peace and healing with touch To calm their pain, to ease their worry To give others the gift of tranquility With only a touch on the shoulder or an embrace Lastly, to think before words leave our mouths The reasons behind the words we choose To understand the consequences of our choice To stop hurtful words before they wound edited by 4sooze on 10/31/2018
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11/1/2018 8:36:41 AM Frank Frank Posts: 15	The short form is fine, but the language is dull. You've strung together commonplace expressions and ideas. You need to juice up the language or the ideas, ideally both. Example: "To listen with your heart" - that's a cliche that depends on our commonplace association of emotion with the heart, even though we know that emotional responses occur in the brain. And "listen" makes the heart into a metaphorical organ of hearing. In the New Testament, John speaks of the "bowels of compassion" since the ancients believed that the gut was the seat of emotions. One idea would be the experiment with different combinations instead of "listen" and "heart" and see if you can find something more interesting. The poem enumerates the three gifts (listening, touching, thinking?). You just need a way to say it memorably, rather than with expressions that are instantly forgotten.
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12/2/2018 12:38:26 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Your voice has a very distinct quality to it, delicate, bright, ephemeral, the evanescent edge of some effulgent light. If you do not read Mary Oliver, I think her poems would be a great guide for you in learning how to transition from maxims to didactic imagery and sensual detail. I think her style is very much in keeping with your voice and would show you how to spread your wings. (She has a wonderful book called "A Poetry Handook")
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