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Forum Home » High Critique » The unknown that I seek

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/24/2018 9:50:55 AM

Florence Ezekiel
Posts: 5
What if our past was the actual future?
Then the opportunities of the past we let slip by was a profitable loss of treasure
The fear of tomorrow had already been unraveled yesterday
The future already left at the hands of yesterday its departure
All that is see left is governed by our pleasure.
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9/3/2018 11:24:32 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
This is as difficult to read as a waded ball of paper.




"What if..." asks the mind to access if something is possible. Turning time backwards is confusing even when we know it is impossible, but to imagine it as possible demands that the proposals be clear. Even if you insist the reader twist their mind into a pretzel, it better be worth it. In this case, whatever the poem is proposing is based on a reality that doesn't exist.
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