Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/22/2018 11:23:41 AM
Anastasia Stewart Posts: 12
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Fools and Freaks
Painted faces of perfect shining smiles, venetian masks of skin. They say the ones who believe in love aren’t afraid to sin. That they don’t fear falling but nor do they heed the warnings, and blindly walk into lion dens to never awaken in the mornings. Eyes clouded with the haze of dreams a mirage so great it can make the wicked gleam. For I speak of the fools who lead with their hearts, only to be called a joker. To a king or queen, how little they mean waging lives like a game of poker.
Those painted faces mock the rest, who prefer to stay away. They say the ones who hide from the sun are slaves to the day. That they don’t fear being alone but nor do they want to be alike Outcast from the court, they plan to strike. Minds strayed from the path, they don’t fit in, so lost in their heads, who will win? For I speak of the freaks who define strength as difference, only to be called scum To the kings and queens, they are sores when seen, treated like a sliver in their thumb.
But Fools and Freaks in a world of rigid royalty unrests their painted faces, beneath the cracks it can be seen, their humanity in its final traces.
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9/2/2018 9:52:26 PM
Jack Webster Posts: 255
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I think it's over wraught.
I think the thought might be more artfully expressed:
Vignettes of peoples lives,
composing lines with clarity of soft and simple breath.
Saying plainly what you mean you'll find to be the best.
The work is abstract,
a philosophy of sorts
that obfuscates the journalism that apprehends the heart.
Let it be a scene
in a high school hall,
a mall or on vacation,
the outcast that amuses unintentionally
the court of painted smiles.
What jewels are hid in the jester's argyle?
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