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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/14/2018 6:29:50 PM

Crista Billings
Posts: 2
You ask if I'm okay, there's a long pause
I try to find the words to let you know I'm a lost cause
I know you tried to help, had so much hope
But your efforts were no match for the self hatred and dope
I'd like to lie and pretend it's all okay
But I can't keep pretending so just walk away
I'm sick of both of us clinging to delusions
I'm sick of the problems that stack up on top of solutions
I'm never going to be who you think I should be
My pretty face distracts you from what's plain to see
I'm not worth the effort time or the prayers
So go find a new project fix someone who cares
I've given up and you should too
Why are you here after all I put you through
They all told you I was a loser what did you expect
Just cut your losses have some self respect
If love cured addiction we'd all be okay
But I'm too far gone to pretend today
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9/3/2018 11:12:06 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
It works really well plainly stated. The language isn't strained or overly florid. It's very accessible.





I think "if love could heal addiction" is a really powerful theme. If you like, I think you have a very unique opportunity to elevate your theme. Written in first person, with the camera tightly focused on the personal interaction of the speaker, the poems feels like it is about the speaker - and it may be - but I think the poem has something equally important to say about the nature of addiction and support in a universal field.




It would be exciting to see a second poem written in 3rd person, focusing on "if love could heal addiction" with a wide angle lense, a series of vingettes of different people with different addictions receiving support from well-meaning friends, family, or colleagues.





Addiction is its own entity, an intangible entity; a wide angle lens would allow you to focus on addiction as super-mundane entity. Also, illustrating that love of those around us can't cure addiction could actually be freeing for allies that think "if i just love enough, it'll help..." etc...




If you wish, there is a much vaster poem out there waiting for you, if you wish to be the one to tell it.
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