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Forum Home » High Critique » In need of critique!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/11/2018 7:07:09 AM

Gabrielle Jordan
Posts: 1
i live inside my mothers

fears

learning to un-breath
standing still in time

with the defiant smile
of a dying old seaman
as he takes his last dive

in the middle of the night
lying on the floor gasping for air
that finds pleasure in her struggle

just want to breath

just don't want to die

i live inside my mothers

memories

now locked in a jeweled mosaic box
swirling in cradled cobwebs in the air

daffodils swaying
to harmonicas playing

along a pristine path
leading down a lifeless street

birds flutter overhead
but they fly not
caged from birth

babies dream as mothers wean
with just a soft hint of
soy milk and Chanel #19

toxic melodies
exhale their sorrows
into bulging white nimbus clouds

rain drops scurrying home on the strada
clad in black rubber boots
evading the sun
under large grey worthless umbrellas

toddlers bathing under moon rays
sprinkled in talcum powder
wearing stiletto booties
waiting for milk
that will not come in their mothers fairytale

i live inside my mothers

smile

just a hint of glow only seen

at Sunday Sunrise

it shreds my heart to settle on those vanished eyes

un-panicked irony of the stow away thief

strolling freely on the titanic


the cold black water crashing against the steel beams of the

Brooklyn Bridge

the hurried barren sound

of wet high heels

striking concrete pavement

the quiet swish of a nylon slip

as it fights the skirt to keep up pace


almost there

almost safe

almost


You


broke her

and now


I


only

get to love

any pieces

that I can still find



i live inside my mothers

regret

i gaze at my own child

i gesture

go inside

close the life

be quiet

be careful

or something will happen

i know better

but

i live inside my mother
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