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For the last two lines,
Change it to "a hundred miles in a thousand trips": | 0 |
Don't change it: | 0 |
Change it to something different completely: | 0 |
7/28/2018 6:45:09 AM
Noire Asphodel Posts: 1
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One step forward Two steps back
Swipe his card
And push him back
Three moves left
Four moves right
I call this theft
But never at night
Five meters down
Six meters high
This pretty red gown
Sees through your lie
Seven dazzling smiles
Eight pouty lips
A hundred miles
For a thousand trips edited by missfaraway on 7/28/2018
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9/1/2018 2:37:00 PM
Jean Bush Posts: 11
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I have to say I just don't understand what you're trying to convey. No picture forms for me when I read it. Spacing seems weird. "Never at night" should be "not at night" so the rhythm remains the same.
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