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5/2/2018 1:38:00 PM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	What would be the addiction, I wonder? In my opinion this brings to mind a depressed person who feels "safe and comfortable" in his depressed state. Considering the fact that an addict gets a rush from his fixes, I do not really see the connection with the title??
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5/2/2018 3:01:35 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Hey John, exciting to see a prose writer venturing into the vase expanse of poetry and prosody. I think the emotional content of the poem is expressed with a bold and honest spirit. I think body of the work is very true to the title and accurately expresses the feeling of withdrawing into denial, wanting to escape the discomfort of illuminated pain one is still learning to cope with, manage, or has not yet learned to survive in a constructive way. Poetry is meant to be read aloud, of course, and in a prosodic performance of your piece adding vocal stress on the words you have used all caps for would be perhaps be appropriate; however, in written form, I found the visual relationship of the all caps words distracting from the appearance of the poem on the page. It's interesting to note that the words you have emphasized in the first stanza in all caps are "give" and "dark". the "g" "v" "d" and "k" sounds have an inherently intense sound to them, especially in the context provided by the title of the poem. I think perhaps you are putting the words in all caps because you fear the reader will miss the emotional nuance of the sounds you've chosen. You might enjoy reading The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams. You might notice it is somewhat shockingly brief. The brevity of the lines is very tense; when read aloud the significance of the sounds may be heightened as the ear attempts to reconcile the tension of the short lines with the carefully chosen sounds. It might be interesting to experiment reformatting your poem in a similar style to see if even shorter stanzas would heighten your choice of sound, and thus eliminate the need to visually elevate them through typography. Something like this might be interesting to try: Dark, please give me the dark. Enshroud me tightly, Oh blessed abyss, I fall. Light, stay away. Do not shine on my scarred wrists, mangled heart. Oh blessed abyss, I want the dark --- This may not accurately convey the sentiment you wish to convey, but perhaps it serves as an example of how sound and tension can be heightened by being even more selective with word choice and stanza length. Hope something I have said is useful to you! Good luck. Your strong voice is off to a good start.
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