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Forum Home » High Critique » FELT IN THIS WORLD

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/21/2011 9:23:26 PM

jennifer hedrick
Posts: 1
Felt as if I were a stranger amongst family.<center>
<center>A mere shadow puppet on the wall.<center>
<center>The whispers that enraged me deeply.<center>
<center>From all the distasteful, shameful,<center>
<center>ungrateful words that had been spoken<center>.
<center>Utter silence drifting away,<center>
<center>the darkness starts to reign.
<center><center>Sincerity's all so superficial beauty,
<center>shines so brightly.<center>
<center>Blinding us from the true light burning within<center>.
<center>Rebelliously our selfish motives,<center>
<center>and lustful attitudes,<center>
<center>Ruthlessly are felt thru out the land.<center>
<center>Emotionless thoughts,a lack of wisdom<center>,
<center>Aimlessly wandering about;<center>
<center>Consuming everything in it's path.<center>
<center>Leaving "heart aches" as distraactions,<center>
<center>Felt dining from the war within,<center>
<center>the chains of bondage.<center>
<center>Keeping us slaves of death.<center>
<center>Our "seeds of faith" never failing to.<center>
<center>Surrendering to our human nature.<center>
<center>Repenting with our bankrupted souls<center>.
<center>His grace,given with forgiveness<center>
<center>and love.<center
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9/5/2011 5:18:16 PM

Keith Baker
Posts: 18
I don't have any meaningful critique but you misspelled distraations (sic) which was a huge distraction and <center> only needs to be written once before the first word of the poem and </center> once after the last word of the poem, not every line.
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