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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/16/2018 8:16:49 AM
Sadhavi Bhatia Posts: 1
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Though he sat at a distance A couple of meters yonder Why then his eyes fixed on me I couldn’t help but ponder
Though they were not precise His eyes kept dwindling in my direction A blush on my cheek In his vision, a touch of affection
Striking up conversations with others Casual he tried to seem But the love he looked at me with Was no less than that of a dream
My eyes also kept flickering In his way a couple of time Oh, go ahead and detain me If so much fondness seems to be a crime
Peeping in his course He saw me, I feared When smiling at me His glass of wine he cheered
With courage, my head I nodded Not realizing the smile I had on me It was as if the lock on my heart Had found its one long lost key
Could get lost for hours Looking at his face charming Never till uttered a word to him Let that for now remain barring
To approach the other No had the courage In this distantly seated date Our dear love did flourish edited by Sadhavi Bhatia on 4/16/2018
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4/16/2018 9:01:32 PM
JW Nugent Posts: 8
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His eyes kept dwindling where 'kept dwindling' could be replaced with 'so wistful'
Causual as he tried to seem. With 'As he casually meant to seem'
I feared, But when smiling
Could get lost with. I could get lost
Read your poem out loud as you feel it should read. This will mark any akward or off flow words. Always try to think of enhancing words.
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