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4/2/2018 5:54:05 AM desola Lois Posts: 5	That very day, The sun set When I heard it, My hands started shaking from unwritten words My eyes were blurry from unseen tears My tongue became heavy from unsaid words My ears started ringing from unheard voices That very day, I missed that sun That very day, your setting broke my heart That very day, That sun set in the South. About to rise in the North... But that very day, you set.
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4/2/2018 5:55:49 AM desola Lois Posts: 5	please critique
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4/2/2018 9:13:29 AM Peter C Duggan Posts: 1	I know nothing. I have only just joined. I will share my experience of your deep, moving poem. I had a strong feeling of regret. I feel the second line should be, That sun set because the second verse second line uses, that sun. I keep wanting to change When I heard it to When you spoke. For me I think the ending would be stronger with: That sun rose in the North... But that very day, you departed. I have never critiqued before. If I have done it wrong please forgive me.
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