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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

3/28/2018 6:33:35 PM Jeannelyn Vitasolo Posts: 2	BLACK HOLE This is me, black hole. And it is the reason why I'm pulling you back. BATE You, poisonous bitch. Him, a prey who would let you. But I, would slew you. WAVES This splashing of waves, it is rocking me to sleep to dream about you. BLOOMING TULIPS Tulips blooms in spring with delicate scent and grace. So chin up, show it! TULIP You were not a rose, but you're a tulip that grows; delicate and great. BLOSSOM A flower blossomed and opened its gracefulness through eternity. TOXIC Your mouth is spitting; words can burn heart that's healin'. Can't you just mend it? PUDDLE OF TEARS It's puddle of tears streaming down your eyes I see. Can we stop hurting? BUBBLES If bubbles would puff, then I'd take photos of it so that it would last. WIND Those spring flower buds, just keeps swinging and swaying like wind I can't keep. (ps. Please i want anybody to critique my work so much... I would really do appreciate it.) -- JLV
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3/28/2018 7:14:44 PM Jeannelyn Vitasolo Posts: 2	I had a confussion about haiku and other forms... That's why I badly need an honest criticism about my work. Wether my work is a haiku or not. Does I used proper punctuations or not... Pretty please... I need your guide... Thanks a lot in advance 😍 -- JLV
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4/1/2018 1:17:49 PM Jack Ton Posts: 5	These are indeed haikus, they have the right number of syllables in each line (5-7-5). They are pretty cool poems. In "Bate" I would use the word "slay" instead of "slew" because there is a tense mismatch between would and slew. Also, the image conjured by a puddle is one of liquid that is not moving. When you use "streaming" in the next line it suggests moving water, which sort of ruins the picture. In "Bubbles" I don't really know what you mean by the first line. I may just be missing the point, but maybe you can find another image that would better convey your meaning.
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4/16/2018 9:18:36 PM JW Nugent Posts: 8	Liked your black hole. You might want to use a comma between "black hole" and "and" Bate. 2nd line "you,". And slay in stead of slew I am always fighting with punctuation. Read your work out loud to yourself to see if it flows as you mean it to.
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