Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/25/2018 7:47:02 AM
Mockingbird Stevenson
Posts: 2
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UNRELENTING
How does my body
This flesh that withholds my soul,,
manage to bear the weight from the chains that have been embedded upon my bequeathing heart?
Where does one hide the pain that is encrusted upon these eyes that are dreary and now fail to sleep?
Why cant my mind acquit, my heart adrift, my skin ache for the touch of another?
Does it have to be me that has to live with this night, because happiness is the other side of this mirror?
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3/26/2018 10:03:04 PM
Jack Ton
Posts: 5
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Hi! I'm new too, so don't take me too seriously. I get the impression that this poem is about how you have a great deal of love to give, but are incapable of demonstrating it physically (soul withheld, bequeathing heart chained, skin cannot ache for another). If that is the case, I think you have done a very good job, but I would recommend changing the first section so that the prison of the body is not pitted against the chains on the heart.
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