Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/22/2018 7:35:42 AM
Itumeleng Nyakatya Posts: 3
|
CHILD OF BLACK SKIN
Child of black skin You're crushing on the silent wind With words beneath your smile Emollients that softens your lips Colourful, as summer's day Eyes so slick beneath that ink The soot that thickens and darkens your lashes The vision beautified through your enhanced lashes Carbon black that defies your fair skin The roots that run deep The dark melanin skin That genes keep
Child of black skin You're blushing at a restless road And winds that kisses your skin Its current caresses your hair Embrace the glitter that sparkles When you flick the hair off your shoulder Nobody is perfect But pretense looks good on you The cap you wear boosts your confidence Synthetic You're conditioned to believe that Embrace the knots and curls on your scalp
Child of black skin You are walking into reality Your ample figure A perfection that could inspire a sculptor Sensually appealing A leashed morality Words sharper than scalpel They don't define you You define your self With your ample figure yourself and embrace it
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
2/24/2018 1:56:04 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
|
I like this very much! I find your images and simple descriptions fresh and evocative. There are many things to like here. For example, "emollients" is just a good word used appropriately and sounds good with "colorful". "Enhanced lashes" has wonder sound sense. "Pretense looks good on you" is a fantastic turn of phrase that makes me wonder and think. And on and on. Wonderful poem!
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
2/26/2018 9:50:35 AM
Itumeleng Nyakatya Posts: 3
|
Thank you Stephen for your review. I am really glad you like this written piece.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
3/26/2018 9:39:50 PM
Jack Ton Posts: 5
|
Hi! I just joined and have only been reading poems for about twenty minutes, but this is definitely my favorite so far. I'll hold off on making any real critiques until I have a little more practice reading, but I will say "winds that kisses" is a grammatical error that does not add to the quality of your writing so it doesn't really fall under poetic license. It ought to be "winds that kiss" or "wind that kisses". The same goes for "Emollients that softens", but I agree with Stephen, really beautiful.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software