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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/22/2018 7:35:42 AM

Itumeleng Nyakatya
Posts: 3
CHILD OF BLACK SKIN

Child of black skin
You're crushing on the silent wind
With words beneath your smile
Emollients that softens your lips
Colourful,
as summer's day
Eyes so slick beneath that ink
The soot that thickens and darkens your lashes
The vision beautified through your enhanced lashes
Carbon black that defies your fair skin
The roots that run deep
The dark melanin skin
That genes keep

Child of black skin
You're blushing at
a restless road
And winds that kisses your skin
Its current caresses your hair
Embrace the glitter that sparkles
When you flick the hair off your shoulder
Nobody is perfect
But pretense looks good on you
The cap you wear boosts your confidence
Synthetic
You're conditioned to believe that
Embrace the knots
and curls
on your scalp


Child of black skin
You are walking into reality
Your ample figure
A perfection that could inspire a sculptor
Sensually appealing
A leashed morality
Words sharper than scalpel
They don't define you
You define your self
With your ample
figure yourself
and embrace it
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2/24/2018 1:56:04 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
I like this very much! I find your images and simple descriptions fresh and evocative. There are many things to like here. For example, "emollients" is just a good word used appropriately and sounds good with "colorful". "Enhanced lashes" has wonder sound sense. "Pretense looks good on you" is a fantastic turn of phrase that makes me wonder and think. And on and on. Wonderful poem!
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2/26/2018 9:50:35 AM

Itumeleng Nyakatya
Posts: 3
Thank you Stephen for your review. I am really glad you like this written piece.
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3/26/2018 9:39:50 PM

Jack Ton
Posts: 5
Hi! I just joined and have only been reading poems for about twenty minutes, but this is definitely my favorite so far. I'll hold off on making any real critiques until I have a little more practice reading, but I will say "winds that kisses" is a grammatical error that does not add to the quality of your writing so it doesn't really fall under poetic license. It ought to be "winds that kiss" or "wind that kisses". The same goes for "Emollients that softens", but I agree with Stephen, really beautiful.
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