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Forum Home » High Critique » Don't Shoot the Messenger

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/6/2018 1:19:27 PM

Zachary Gilstrap
Posts: 2
Don’t Shoot the Messenger:

Don’t shoot when
you see a coffee-coated
vessel

Imbued with historical
cattle-prodding,
showcasing a collective consciousness
trampled

Into submission by years
of crocodile tears
and homestead
domestication.

Don’t shoot when
your glass house
is pelted

by pellets of retribution,
Champagne corks long-overdue,
and representation worthwhile.

Don’t shoot when
you see me or we
absorb the scars

Of our mothers and fathers
And make joyful noise
One pellet at a time.

Don’t shoot the messenger.
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1/10/2018 4:51:25 PM

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 294
Sweet
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1/18/2018 11:26:39 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
i agree with Bob A. I think this is very good as is.

There is an opportunity, if you wish, to extend the coffee metaphor: coffee is something that wakes people up...
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1/31/2018 12:08:40 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
I like this very much. Your compounding of descriptive words is evocative. I don't understand all of it but that is not a negative. "Poems should be, not mean," comes to mind. "Cattle-prodding...trampling" just whets my appetite. My minds just says, "This just sounds so good, it must mean something, what, what..?" And I get my own personal, suggestive meaning. Right now I am intrigued with one of the best abstract poets, Dylan Thomas. You might enjoy him. Best wishes.
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