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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

12/23/2017 10:08:18 AM Melanie Cox Posts: 2	Grief in Stages And in your death my soul is tethered A presence yet unsevered Tragic loss not well weathered Empty in your absence Unspeakable resurgence And implausible resilience Suffering in silence As none can console Not within control An altering of the soul Never again to be whole And not meant to be Of this I will agree Although did not foresee The depth of change in me Expected not the gain That which was my bane Affords comfort in the pain As it assures me you remain And in your death my soul is tethered edited by Melanie44 on 12/26/2017
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12/29/2017 10:09:48 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	There are no concrete/ sensory details. Despite the use of rhyme feels like reading prose. I like the contrast/ arc of the tethering at first being framed simply as pain, then reframed at the end as an affirmation. The use of apostrophe as a figurative device here feels awkward, because "you" isn't referring to the reader, and it's not clear who the "you" is. This breaks the charm of intimacy between author and reader. The use of inclusio as a figurative device works well, given that there is a revelation about the nature of the tethering. However, beginning the poem with the word "and" is very awkward, and may not be necessary. personally, i found the poem emotionally inaccessible. i didn't find a place in the poem to occupy as the reader. the poem was speaking at me.
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