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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/12/2017 3:32:49 AM

SAMUEL JUDE
Posts: 1
Beside the tree, beneath the hills,
There is a dark and deep valley,
With the most fragrant flowers,
And lo! Self-ruling?!
Nay! They live by the rules of their Creator.

Look at the oceans!
Oh vast and wide with their colourful seasons!
Varying from warmer to colder
To deeper and darker
And lo! Self-ruling?!
Nay! They live by the rules of their Creator.

Look at the birds of the air,
They never farm nor work,
They look upto their creator
And are fed
And lo! Self-ruling?!
Nay! They live by the rules of their Creator


Oh and look who’s here,
Ungrateful and disobedient creature,
With four limbs,
Self-ruling?!
Aye,aye,
They live by their own rules!
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12/14/2017 12:46:52 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
I'm not a one to critique religious poems. I also have a prejudice against archaic language. In my opinion, if poetry is relevant in these modern times, why not use the current idiom. Just my thought. I like the refrain "live by the rules of their Creator". I reads like a syllogism in logic: if, if, if, ...then. Great use of poetic tools. With this kind of poem, however, it risks a "preachiness" of tone. More specific images would give the speaker some "street cred". Why should the reader take the speaker's word for "life"? What idiosyncratic and specific things have happened to him/her so the reader should believe. Best wishes!
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