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Forum Home » High Critique » The manifestation of perfection

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/7/2017 12:56:53 PM

Riley Hood
Posts: 7
Paint me into a canvas.
Soft strokes of mournful blue
And harsh lines of red-hot anger.
Don't leave anything out.
Show the shame and sadness behind the tender strands of happiness.
Make sure to capture my blue eyes with just a sparkle of indecisiveness.
Remember my solitary smile,
As if I know every secret tucked into the furthest corner of your heart.
Expose every raw emotion behind my words.
Use brazen colors.
Make mistakes.
Blend the night of my mind with the brightness of my intentions.
Paint me into a canvas.
Full and unapologetically.
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1/1/2018 11:05:04 AM

levi johnson
Posts: 14
The strength in this work lies in the blunt and vivid imagery that you create. I can visualize and feel the mournful blue and red hot anger--I think thats excellent. That being said, it can read a bit choppy due to the curt bluntness. "Don't leave anything out" is clear and direct, but lacks the flowing eloquence so often found in poetry. The same with "Use brazen colors" and "Make mistakes" that could be phrased with less rigidity and more uniqueness. So, your bluntness and imagery is good, but don't forget to be creative in your phasing. Have a great day
edited by Levi on 1/1/2018
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