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11/27/2017 2:13:02 PM Cameron Coolidge Posts: 2	Nostalgia captures my lone heart’s ear as I drift along these mournful days. Not sad for a life lost to death, but of affections lost to time. I’m fearful of not gaining back the memories I lust to relive. So as the clock continues to tick, the bell tower also chimes. The tune it sings brings me to you, in mind, walking through autumn paths, our faces full, newly kindled love. We walked on brick that matched the leaves of red and orange, like the twilight sky. The crisp air bit at her nose and cheeks, turning them pink while we laughed along sincerely to each other’s faults and quirks. Her genuine smile lightened her eyes of hazelnut with a dark green ring bursting from the center and staring, somehow, into your innermost desires, disarming you with her gentle ways and soft spoken tongue with dreamy voice. Her hair flowed like a breeze through a grassy field, the color of a deep golden brown. She looked at me, wide eyed, with passion, oblivious to the chilling wind which reddened her cheeks relentlessly as her longing stare bore into my bursting chest. Her look had caught me in a snare as we wandered, arm’s linked, in autumn air.
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11/27/2017 2:14:20 PM Cameron Coolidge Posts: 2	Hey guys...just wondering if you'd give me an honest opinion. I'm putting myself through the gauntlet with the hopes of honing my writing style. Thanks!
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11/28/2017 10:53:18 AM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	I would omit sentences 1-3. It is always better to show and not tell. In my experience, the speaker can get in some modest explanations in, but they need to be earned with lots of previous images and very specific descriptions. At the beginning, that is a dead loss. The poem gets more interesting after that. There is an unexpected change to whom the poem is addressed then. The speaker goes from "you" to "her". It switches again. I considered you might have a new love interest telling that person about a previous love. If that were the case, it needs to be very clear. But don't be discouraged, these are easily fixable. Your images are up to the quality needed for this goal.
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