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Forum Home » High Critique » Italia

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/21/2017 3:49:47 PM

Christopher Lucas
Posts: 1
Italia, Italia
I write to you with baited breath
How I long to step in your sand
Sink down to the souls,
Of my ancestors,

Il sole e la sabbia

Your sand in my feet
Your sun in my eyes
Italia, you are my home.
The one I have yet to reach

Nevertheless, my heart belongs to Italia
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1/1/2018 11:24:23 AM

levi johnson
Posts: 15
Its nice to see other languages in the mix, however, it could put off those who don't understand and can be risky from a poets point of view. Your emotion of longing in this verse is clear, but you don't go into detail from an emotional angle. Sand in feet and sun in eyes don't really describe the feeling of intense missing and desperation to return. Your have a great emotional motive for poetry, but you must find a way to get others to feel how you feel. Have a great day
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