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Forum Home » High Critique » Naturally Speaking, need critique.

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/30/2011 5:09:59 PM

Tim B
Posts: 5
Hello all,

Never wrote a Quatern before, curious as to the mistakes I made, or any suggestions you may have, appreciate honesty, thank you.

-TimB.

"Twas in a voice that I found God
In a kind tone that I found odd
Carried on the whispering wind
Speaking beautifully in the end

Twas in a tome, I read downtrodden
Twas in a voice that I found God
Hidden yet open amongst the pages
Full of his truth and unearthly graces



Ruled by dialects and languages
Enslaving all our human anguishes
Twas in a voice that I found God
A preacher humbled me with but a nod


Tempests sway, swirl round the tower
Babel's peak speaking volumes an hour
Here, speaking naturally, this is why
Twas in a voice that I found god"
edited by TimB on 6/30/2011
edited by TimB on 6/30/2011
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7/6/2011 10:07:45 PM

Tim B
Posts: 5
Still asking for an honest critique on this one, don't be shy, I can take the abuse
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7/7/2011 7:15:28 PM

Juanita Warden
Posts: 24
I do not know much about Quaterns but I love the way your words flow..It is very good reading..Keep writing..
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7/7/2011 10:25:50 PM

Tim B
Posts: 5
Thank you for the kinds words Juanita.
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7/22/2011 9:56:46 AM

Tim B
Posts: 5
Thank you for pointing that all out Sid, much appreciated! I am going to be editing a lot of my poems soon and this gives me a good base to go from, thanks again.



-Tim
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9/4/2011 11:50:25 PM

Keith Baker
Posts: 18
I don't know anything about the style but it bothers me that in stanzas 1 and 3 you use God to rhyme but not in 2 and 4 yet you move the word God down a line each stanza suggesting to the reader that you are purposefully doing it so you can rhyme God. Stanza 1, God is in line 1, stanza 2, God is in line 2 and so forth. If you want to keep that going then I think you should rhyme stanza 2 line 1 with stanza 4 line 3 to tie it all up.
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