Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/5/2011 5:51:18 PM
Bryan Seyffert
Posts: 3
|
Frustration building
There is no ceiling
To the crookedness their wielding
So tired of this feeling
Powerless and yielding
Looking for the way
To make it all ok
The games the leaders play
There’s a tribute we must pay
To make life bearable day by day
|
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
6/7/2011 9:27:22 AM
daniel galvin
Posts: 3
|
me again- i really like the word play at the very beginning; 'frustration building' could mean that there is a growing frustration, or that frustration is building some thing, or that there is a structure referred to as the frustration building. perfectly vague. and when you continue, and use 'ceiling' i can actually start to visualize a steel skeleton of some high-rise or the like. i want you to keep it going.
you already know how i feel about the rhyme 
|
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software