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Forum Home » High Critique » New Poem - Moonlight

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/17/2017 2:00:10 PM

Jeff Collins
Posts: 5
So, I'm new to this.. poetry stuff. I have written four poems in the past week and posted them on the site today. I'm putting this one here as it is my favorite so far and would appreciate some meaningful and honest feedback.

Moonlight

Beneath the moonlight silver shimmer
Standing I begin to shiver
Is there nothing more for me to do
Than gaze upon this frozen ground

Behind me moonlight shadow cast
Stretched out as memories fading fast
Eyes shifting, scanning for a clue
Left and right, but nothing found

Beyond the darkness moonlight gleams
Revealing worlds beyond the seams
Looking down and inward bound
Panic rising when I hear the sound

Before the day moonlight stays
Shining bright as I lay
Snowflakes on my face do land
Cold and still can't move my hand

From above moonlight shines
Relieved, I close my eyes.
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11/21/2017 12:04:55 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
This poem is okay. I am not much a fan of rhyme. The problem with rhyme, in my opinion, is everyone can do it, but few do it well. The reader, he or she, should never feel a line is written just to complete the rhyme. Lines need to stand alone. I do like "Beyond the darkness moonlight gleams/
Revealing worlds beyond the seams". Best wishes!
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11/22/2017 4:25:10 PM

Jeff Collins
Posts: 5
Do you feel that lines in the poem were written just to complete a rhyme? I have thick skin and am wanting to learn and improve
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