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Forum Home » High Critique » Heart Broken into Pieces- Heartbreak Poem

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/17/2017 10:40:23 AM

Pailey Gordon
Posts: 2
You left me there


Alone


For my heart to tear


On my own


I shouldn’t have shown


How hurt I was


But the smell of your cologne


Was still so fixed into my mind,


Entwined within every cell of my body


Because I thought nobody could come between us


Until that girl you brought to bed


Who looked good at a club walked in

She probably had a cute curl in her hair


That dangled perfectly down her slim shoulders


And a pearl


That made her eyes look calm like the deepest oceans


But that shouldn’t have mattered


Because if you loved me


You wouldn’t left me as shattered as glass,


Into little pieces


And now whenever someone tries to put me together


They will hurt themselves


Cutting themselves on my razor edges


Most will give up at this point


But the ones who stay


They will not find all of them


Because there are too many pieces to repair


All because of a stupid affair
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11/21/2017 12:09:10 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
This poem, in my opinion, is stronger when it is specific. There is a caution in writing to "show not tell". Let the reader take the journey with you. I like the pearl and the curl of the other woman's hair. The razor image, doesn't work much for me. True, it is an image, but again it is generalizing. I would explain less. The topic is brave for the speaker. But you are up to it! Best wishes.
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