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10/31/2017 3:42:09 AM Betsy Jos Posts: 2	The dark clouds will pass on And the bright ones will move in Success or Failure - It will all pass on What stays ahead is the road to destiny Who can stop the zeal and the passion? Be focused to achieve your dreams! It sounds like a cup of failure But inside lies the nectar for life Lucky is the one who taste that nectar- You will come to know the essence of life Like the sea which calms down after a tide So is the life which moves on after a while At the end you realize it’s all about passion And it’s the passion that makes you move on! edited by Betsy Jos on 10/31/2017
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11/1/2017 6:25:22 AM Betsy Jos Posts: 2	Is this nice?
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11/3/2017 6:18:48 AM Darren White Posts: 31	I'd say it is good attempt, but there is also a lot wrong with it. For instance, instead of making us feel the poem, you tell us about it. And that is more story telling than anything else. Something else is cliches, most of the expressions you use, are used so often that they are threadbare, they have become cliches (nectar of life, success or failure, the sea that calms, life moves on). And the re are words in there you use too often in one poem: (nectar x 2, pass on x 2, life x 3) It doesn't mean it's a bad poem, but it IS one that needs a lot of work. Good luck edited by dWite on 11/3/2017
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