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10/26/2017 3:55:39 PM Sitabz Garg Posts: 2	A schoolboy called life looked skyward and saw A leaf falling. Carrying the dying thing In its bosom, the wind Whistled a funeral tone. Its arms frail from a long journey, dropped the lost thing in the schoolboy's arm where in dying breath, the leaf whispered 'you lied! ' The boy smiled in childish innocence And he let the leaf fall further: 'A dry leaf on a busy road' as it saw life walking past, Untill a schoolgirl named death came hopping by and without looking down She trampled it to dust.
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11/3/2017 6:12:40 AM Darren White Posts: 31	This is a wonderful poem, there is vey little critique I have, it's delightful There is one thing though that I could advice you: "A schoolboy called life". I think you should change 'called' into 'named' (just like you did with the schoolgirl. PLUS you should put the first letter of those names in capitals, or else it gets confusing, so.. "Life" and "Death" Wonderful poem.
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11/18/2017 8:31:37 AM Sitabz Garg Posts: 2	Thank you Darren. I will surely make these changes. 😊thank you so much
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11/20/2017 5:33:24 PM Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49	I am a new member and this is the best poem I've read on this site. I reads like a parable and so runs the risk of not being taken seriously. Yes, capitalize the proper nouns and fix the typo "untill". It sets the reader up for a sentiment appropriate for greeting cards. But the stinger is quite dark. This is well worth several readings.
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