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9/12/2017 12:50:59 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255

typo in line 4

I really love your choice not to use end punctuation throughout. Matching the phrasing to the line breaks gives it a really strong, solid, structured feeling and leaving out the punctuation gives a really remarkable sense of follow through. Its feels like enjambment even though the phrase isn't broken. I've never seen it done this way before; this is very smart. There is a really artistic tension between the perfectly structured lines and unsettling absence of punctuation - no control, something uncontrallable, but trying make sure everything is perfectly in place to make up for the lack of control the phrases exist within. truly a remarkable creative choice that fits the theme conceptually and energetically. it also heightens the use of the ellipsis, by making it the only punctuation.

very effective work!

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