Poetry Forum
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8/23/2017 8:42:46 PM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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Aphrodite's Tears-Lament for Amerosia
Never intended to cause pain
verklempt knowing my words brought tears
such sadness I wish I could wane
and quell any and all your fears
Tried to build up a pedestal
whence a Goddess - you - can have rule
never fathomed you'd be dismal
now I'm feeling like a fat mule
Could I possibly be so dumb
to think that this could not occur
that result has left me so numb
both my heart and brain can concur
What made me think - at twice your age
that my words would so flatter you
alas, I am no such great mage
the day I wrote those words I rue
Melancholia has begun
I'm not able to raise my face
'til beams shine again from your sun
and I chained in my evil place
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8/24/2017 9:31:00 AM
Dean Wood
Posts: 31
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This is great Keith! Only one line I didn't like as much. "now I'm feeling like a fat mule". This line doesn't have the flare or poetic feel that the rest of the poem has. Perhaps replacing "fat" with another adjective? I really enjoyed this poem.
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