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Forum Home » Be Gentle » First poem in many years, is it too bland/boring?

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8/23/2017 8:03:04 PM Jessica Palmer Posts: 3	The tides come and go, as the moon says hello and goodbye. The water rises and falls, as the sun comes to live and die. She just treads on, drifting through the sea. She just treads on, for weak she cannot be. The sting of her betrayal brings tears that fall like rain; The broken hopes of tomorrow bring a familiar pain. She just treads on, drifting through the sea. She just treads on, for weak she cannot be. The storms of life come and go, the water rough at times. The feeling of going under, and just like that the sun shines. She just treads on, drifting through the sea. She just treads on, for weak she cannot be.
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8/24/2017 9:45:42 AM Dean Wood Posts: 31	Jessica, this is fine! Don't worry about others think of your work. I have tried hard to learn from others, pay attention to the comments in poems you think stand out. Try to use more poetic devices without giving up "your" style. I tried writing to please others once and my quality suffered. Write from emotion and you will be great. In this poem you have chose to write couplets, separated by a repeating refrain. Wonderful! I offer one suggestion. In your story lines (not the refrain) pick a meter (iambic perhaps) and/or a syllable count and try to match all these lines a little closer. Great job!
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