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8/22/2017 8:56:14 AM Heath Barker Posts: 4	I'm fairly new at writing poetry. I wrote this during the first month after my wife passed away. Or atleast the rough out line of it in my journal that I call the bone yard. I had a friend asked me after reading some of my current stuff if I had any from the beginning. I really didn't but I usually write from the bone yard which is just a place to empty my current feelings on paper. My poetry is a form of therapy for me. I would appreciate your feed back. Evolving, ever changing, my life becomes my own, the we, is now just me, and I am so alone. We were just getting to the good parts, why did it have to take my heart? As I meander on this path of grief, there are days, that lack clear relief. Those days I focus within, instead of without, I will prevail for that there is no doubt. The days that I ponder you and read your words, It’s almost like you can be heard. The zing of your witty remarks, Or the times walking in the park. Your favorite flower was a rose, I used to buy you many of those. Just to see the smile they would bear, Now I just wish that you were here. Heath Barker 8/22/2017 edited by Merxion on 8/22/2017 edited by Merxion on 8/22/2017 edited by Merxion on 8/22/2017
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8/22/2017 1:52:34 PM Dean Wood Posts: 31	Wow! Very evocative. This flows well and communicates beautifully what you are feeling. Just a couple of suggestions. The first one is obvious, you have several words that run together; like, soalone and willprevail. Clean these up. The second deals with adding a little more punctuation. For example, which did you intend, "Evolving, ever changing, my life becomes my own" or "Evolving, ever changing my life, becomes my own" or something totally different? I don't like ambiguous verse myself. Some do. Its just a suggeston. Regards, Dean
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8/22/2017 3:43:49 PM Heath Barker Posts: 4	Dean, Thanks I didn't check the paste in fixed that. My intention on the Evolving, Ever Changing, My life becomes my own. Evolving and Every changing sounds repetitive and in a sense they are. When going through the loss of a spouse some of the changes are incremental. Some of them are huge jumps, an example weight loss. Huge non incremental change. Personality changes, moving from never doing poetry but being an avid journal writer poetry was an incremental change from what I was doing. To be more clear its a contemplative Evolving, Ever Changing, My life becomes my own. Maybe even imagine shaking your head slowly while saying each of of those in sorrow or exasperation. Thank you for your great feed back.
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