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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/8/2017 5:55:32 PM

Sara Nin
Posts: 1
So tell her how your limbs are sore
From pulling at my uproar
On the floor where we tore
Souls that soar, no keeping score

Sunburned we lie awake
Words unsaid in my heartache
Nothing opaque, this is my mistake
I knew better than to partake

But resist you couldn’t for my sake
Lust, and desire my body quakes
More and more I give you take
Then again you flake, and flake

I still taste you thus reserve to hate you
Even still I bait you, this is what it is to date you
I just want to suffocate you
Exhilarate you, intoxicate you, I tolerate you

Kiss me now till I deplete
While I listen to your heartbeat
Don’t mistreat, or be discreet.
You should know I wont compete

I should retreat, nothing is concrete
Delete delete delete delete
Memories on my love seat
Then again repeat repeat.
edited by Inte-girl on 8/8/2017
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8/22/2017 6:11:34 PM

Dean Wood
Posts: 31
This sounds like the lyrics for a rap song. Some great mono-rhyme in these stanzas and internal rhyme to boot! Many poems lose the thought to the rhyme but you stayed true to the message. I enjoyed this. Well done!
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