Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/8/2017 4:22:12 AM
Natalie Titley Posts: 2
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Through the darkness Into the night Don't be afraid to stand up Be tall, face towards the light
Stride strong Do it with a purpose It's time to heal now Bring your demons to the surface
The fight will be long You can't give up Some days will be hard Enough is enough
I can overcome this One step at a time The life I was living to please you Will soon become mine
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8/12/2017 9:50:00 PM
Mayank Kumar Posts: 1
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Hi Natalie there are many things wrong with your poem. If I may say so. i will say in the best possible way. you broke the lines just to fulfill the rhyme, u don't need to. the rhyme scheme makes no sense if u lost the metre. "Through the darkness into the night" don't dtrech the poem, if it is not imagery, reader should visualise with the poet.
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8/22/2017 1:13:59 PM
Dean Wood Posts: 31
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I am fine with the quatrain form you have chosen but it is not a free verse form. You need to choose a meter and syllable count or more loosely, a feel of rhythm. So, what I am saying is, the form you chose is more rigid than the way you wrote. If you want more freedom to ebb and flow then throw out the strict rhyme scheme and use a free verse form. Also, note the syllable count in the first line of each stanza, 4,2,5,5. A quatrain needs to be better balanced than this. One more thing, I couldn't tell if you were encouraging others to stand up and face the light or if this was to encourage yourself. You can clean that up a little I think. Its a good poem, it can be better with a re-write. Regards, Dean
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