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7/27/2017 3:31:54 AM Levi Krebs Posts: 1	I'm looking for feedback on my poem written in enclosed rhyme form. I wanted to try this form, however it's hard, because to me, the form doesn't read right(well) or should I say smooth. Thank you in advance for your suggestions. Novembers force, blows winds of gale, a sailor seasoned, may navigate swift, lessons learned from time upon thy ship. Hold fast against fierce winds in thy sail. Captain, my Captain, I fear our fortitude. Yee not be afraid, for only men dare brave, for fear will only cast you to a watery grave. As your captain I expect more of you. Some have sailed, and some are yet green, brave with waves reaching high upon thy rail, first mate commands all able bodies to bail. Of steady ground and loved ones, all dream. Ice water, the loneliness of all burial tombs, Thrashing waves, they prey to make it through, In this condition, too rough to feed the crew. Each and every man know, gloomy fate looms. She broke deep, heartless water consumed, each man prayed a sailors prayer, brave men, The men gave it their all, until the very end. Thirty three in all that night met their doom.
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9/13/2017 3:45:56 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Hi Levi, I like the sailing theme. Fixing the "flow" has to do with prosody mechanics, which would require a longer explaination that might not be suitable for the Be Gentle forum, as it is more detailed. The only criticism that is simple enough to leave here is, you need to take out "Captain, my captain, (i fear)..." This is an iconic phrase from Walt Whitman. Thanks for sharing. Hope to see you in the High Critique forum to talk about flow.
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