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7/23/2017 12:04:48 AM Felice Bee Posts: 1	Please let me know what you think *** [Your Enemies] Let me cry the darkness from their eyes Tease to unfold the scaffold of their lies Ignite the strings of fear and stain That bind their minds to guided hate Let them see what I see Your life as an open wound Let them hear the sound of shattered glass Stumble through to the profound Let them look into their own eyes Give them back their soul and mind I will cradle them in their grief As they dissolve in my arms at your feet
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9/12/2017 8:07:56 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	i think this work would be better written as a play. Vengeance requires the space for a plot, for justification, the human element. the author may enjoy reading the play "Medea" by Euripedes, and consider writing something similar. in the work as it is presently, there is no element to humanize the vengeance, or illustrate the enemies in disgrace. it alludes to a love for the victim of the enemies, and strongly conveys the passion of the speaker, but there is simply not enough space for all the elements to take leaf. This work is a seed best planted in the fertile soil of the theater. And, it is a strong seed! edited by superlativedeleted on 9/12/2017
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9/14/2017 6:42:14 PM jack belck Posts: 12	This has a lack of focus: it starts with you then suddenly someone else pops up. Also, imagery is way off: strings and scaffolding? You aren't using YOUR words, but other people's. You also savage others without defining them or explaining what their problem is.
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