Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/20/2017 3:19:29 AM
Robert Black Posts: 5
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Time
It is not you I hate It is time that has done me Made me feel old when I was young And look old when I feel young Sure I chased you And never found you But you kept that spark alive Maybe you lied In the mirror A million times But it was the timing of time In my mind That did me
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6/28/2017 8:11:31 AM
Robert Black Posts: 5
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Thanks Marley.
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7/7/2017 9:50:03 AM
Topher Gee Posts: 3
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I've read your poem a number of times and I find the lack of punctuation confusing. Without knowing where you want me to start, stop, and pause, I read it differently each time. I also find myself confused about "you". Is this a person? A goal? An aspiration? The speaker? Time itself?
Here it sounds like another person or an aspiration: Sure I chased you And never found you But you kept that spark alive
Here it sounds like the speaker or time itself: Maybe you lied In the mirror A million times
And this line is one that I simply don't understand: But it was the timing of time
Do you mean something like: But it was the timing of time -- in my mind -- that did me.
Regardless, I still struggle with "timing of time".
Thanks for sharing your work!
Topher
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7/8/2017 1:36:40 AM
Robert Black Posts: 5
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Thanks Topher!
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