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Forum Home » High Critique » Time by Robert Black

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/20/2017 3:19:29 AM

Robert Black
Posts: 5
Time

It is not you I hate
It is time that has done me
Made me feel old when I was young
And look old when I feel young
Sure I chased you
And never found you
But you kept that spark alive
Maybe you lied
In the mirror
A million times
But it was the timing of time
In my mind
That did me
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6/28/2017 8:11:31 AM

Robert Black
Posts: 5
Thanks Marley.
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7/7/2017 9:50:03 AM

Topher Gee
Posts: 3
I've read your poem a number of times and I find the lack of punctuation confusing. Without knowing where you want me to start, stop, and pause, I read it differently each time. I also find myself confused about "you". Is this a person? A goal? An aspiration? The speaker? Time itself?

Here it sounds like another person or an aspiration:
Sure I chased you
And never found you
But you kept that spark alive

Here it sounds like the speaker or time itself:
Maybe you lied
In the mirror
A million times

And this line is one that I simply don't understand:
But it was the timing of time

Do you mean something like:
But it was the timing of time -- in my mind -- that did me.

Regardless, I still struggle with "timing of time".

Thanks for sharing your work!

Topher
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7/8/2017 1:36:40 AM

Robert Black
Posts: 5
Thanks Topher!
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