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Forum Home » High Critique » I hope this wont make sense a year from now

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/19/2017 10:13:30 AM

Marko Dolic
Posts: 1
I grade days by traces of grace I get
To see the shapes of your face, maybe gaze my way


You feel like this world's a better place
And I'm afraid, that i might settle for the chase
On a road that knows no names, and holds no pain
Im just a lone wolf waiting for your hand to be tamed


And who to blame, 'cause the prey don't taste the same way
From that very same day that I said your name

And it's a d*mn shame that it's hard to find words
That'll compliment your curves
But courteous enough that they'd serve the right purpose
'cause u deserve a lot more than a sum of these verbs

I wanna give you the world, girl I'm certain
You changed the definition of whats perfect
And it breaks my heart to see u hurting
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6/19/2017 7:46:32 PM

Graphite Drug
Posts: 81
Not sure if you're trying to rhyme or rap? Formal poems spell out "y-o-u" not "u". They also, for the most part, avoid rhyming within lines and at the end. Try some basic skills: write short lines that rhyme at the end only. If you write assertively these skills work well with rap.
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