Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/12/2017 7:54:44 PM
Madeleine Riha Posts: 3
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Drifting It was getting harder to recall Those little things that just occurred Her mind seemed to have put up a wall And her thoughts were becoming blurred It was a challenge to understand The simplest of directions now Her dear husband gave a helping hand His love for her he did avow Paranoia had soon settled in She no longer wanted him‘round It was a battle she could not win Memory was lost and not found Her family felt her frustration They were losing her fast they knew Due to her lack of concentration It left everyone feeling blue Alzheimer’s became a dirty word Shaking everyone to the core God seemed to leave their prayers unheard Wife, mom, grandma was here no more Her very essence had been drifting But her body sat there staring They felt as though they should be grieving Their confusion seemed unyielding They all vowed to helpher, day and night Their love for her would always stay Through thick and thin, they’d make her life bright To bring some happiness her way Dear Mother, now you know all my fears The extent of how I miss you You’ve been my best friend through all my years It’s been hard for you and me too
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6/23/2017 9:52:04 PM
Annette Gagliardi Posts: 5
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Last line of second stanza needs work. Last line of 3rd stanza Maybe -"Memory was lost - no longer found" Last line needs a bit of work as well. Note some spaced you missed and add punctuation. This is a sad, but good write. Keep working on it. Sometimes saying it out loud gives you help in wordsmithing.
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