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Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.
5/17/2017 3:05:21 AM

Felicia Jarvis
Posts: 7
I posted a poem at an English learning site. I received a comment pointing out my grammar mistake. But I don't think that is a mistake. I like that expression.
Please read the following poem and let me know your honest opinion about the expression, "the hearts of we the cursed dead."

Tiny Droplets


Tiny droplets released from plants
Gently touch things of all sorts
to cool burning anger
to relieve this passive fear
and soften the hearts of we the cursed dead,
finally returning to the ground.


Thank you.
edited by Felicia-J on 5/17/2017
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5/19/2017 2:33:23 PM

Barry Stebbings
Posts: 9
Did the site give an alternative expression they thought was more correct? It might depend on whether the site expected poetry or prose. I find there is more freedom in sentence construction in poetry than prose. Poetic form allows for rhythm and meter which is not required in prose. Personally, in a poetic form I see nothing wrong with it.
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5/20/2017 11:14:38 AM

Keith O.J. Hunt
Posts: 1
You're right and they're wrong. In fact, it is the most necessary line in the poem. Keith O.J. Hunt
edited by littlespear on 5/20/2017
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5/23/2017 11:29:58 AM

Felicia Jarvis
Posts: 7
Thank you so much. I think so, too.

Barry wrote:
Did the site give an alternative expression they thought was more correct? It might depend on whether the site expected poetry or prose. I find there is more freedom in sentence construction in poetry than prose. Poetic form allows for rhythm and meter which is not required in prose. Personally, in a poetic form I see nothing wrong with it.
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5/23/2017 11:31:32 AM

Felicia Jarvis
Posts: 7
Yes, you are right. The line is the most important part for me. Thank you.littlespear wrote:
You're right and they're wrong. In fact, it is the most necessary line in the poem. Keith O.J. Hunt
edited by littlespear on 5/20/2017
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9/14/2017 10:30:17 AM

Faeeza Paruk Simjee
Posts: 14
i think its perfect!
just a thought - maybe reader felt the 'we should be 'us'... or you could add a comma after the 'we' to guide readers, e.g.
and soften the hearts of we, the cursed dead,





i'm fine with either though!!
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