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5/14/2017 5:06:19 AM Felicia Jarvis Posts: 7	I started writing poems a few months ago. I really want to improve my English (I am not a native English speaker) and express my emotion and feeling in English. I love English culture, language and literature. It is a short poem. Mist Rain sinks into plants in the forest. The plants breathe tiny dews out. Mist is born to gently touch every living thing and blended with its tears Tiny dews cool burning anger, relieve this incurable fears the dews die after comforting me, a cursed dead The mist finally return to the ground where I was being led. edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017 edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017 edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017
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5/23/2017 2:39:06 PM Jerome Malenfant Posts: 26	The 2nd line is a bit awkward. "Dew" is defined as "tiny drops of water that form on cool surfaces at night", so I don't think "dews" is a word. How about "The plants breathe tiny dewdrops"? You might want to make the 1st and 2nd lines one sentence, with a semicolon after the 1st line. I think the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines are too long compared with the first two, so you might want to break each of these lines into two lines. You might want to begin the 3rd line with something like "So mist is born.." to continue the theme of the first two lines. "Blended" should be "blend" to match the present tenses of the previous lines. 5th line: "The dew dies after.." 6th line: "return" should be "returns". How about "The mist finally returns to the ground,/ To the place to which I was led." edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017 edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017
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5/25/2017 12:25:32 PM Felicia Jarvis Posts: 7	Thank you. I rewrote this poem and made a completely different poem. I really appreciate your advice. zaq12wsx wrote: The 2nd line is a bit awkward. "Dew" is defined as "tiny drops of water that form on cool surfaces at night", so I don't think "dews" is a word. How about "The plants breathe tiny dewdrops"? You might want to make the 1st and 2nd lines one sentence, with a semicolon after the 1st line. I think the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines are too long compared with the first two, so you might want to break each of these lines into two lines. You might want to begin the 3rd line with something like "So mist is born.." to continue the theme of the first two lines. "Blended" should be "blend" to match the present tenses of the previous lines. 5th line: "The dew dies after.." 6th line: "return" should be "returns". How about "The mist finally returns to the ground,/ To the place to which I was led." edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017 edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017
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