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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/7/2017 2:26:23 AM
Samuel Opara Posts: 5
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DREAM CHASER
A dull Christmas eve, still it was better than most I’d heard of winter and snow in places far away Of cold and frozen waters and rains that fall like powder from the sky Of words like mist, soft as a whispered kiss Escaping from lips: red over a pale impression Muttering words of things of the faraway place
I know not the feeling, only the idea of a place And whatever feeling it evokes in me the most Of these foreign notions, I have not one but many an impression Of wonder and adventure and ways to sail away On wooden or metal monsters that beckon the sea its cheek to kiss In the in-between world of salt water, wind and sky
Not so here, no snow in this dry harmattan sky I’d rather for a change of pace, a change of place A place of apples and wine grapes and passions that deepen the kiss Of hopes and dreams and wishful thinking for most Come hopes! Come dreams! Come insane thoughts and take me away! Far away, and in my place leave no impression
Rid it! On her alone I made some impression Of two on a low hill beneath a big grey sky Her eyes would haunt me screaming, “Why didn’t you take me with you, away?” “To the place we had dreamed, the faraway place?” Truth be told, she would prove really good, better than most Even so, rid me of it with one final kiss
A flickering flame snuffed out with a kiss It’s dying breath trailing a wispy impression With that I lost what it was I wanted the most Bartered for the image of a different sky Alas a different time in a different place Yet to find a place to stay that doesn’t lead away
Now a seasoned drifter wandering away With tales of wonder and adventure and many a departure kiss With yarns of many sights, yet yearning for only one place For the place I left, leaving no impression A place I must go only after I find the perfect sky It was a dull Christmas eve, still it was better than most
Now in a place far away, making many an impression Oh how I desire that kiss, under that same grey sky Despite the faraway place, it is what I want the most (sigh)
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5/16/2017 1:59:17 AM
Samuel Opara Posts: 5
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Well then.. I'll just assume there's nothing wrong with this piece, it's perfect, and is also beyond the full grasps of the critique committee. Have a good day, folks..
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