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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/7/2017 2:26:23 AM

Samuel Opara
Posts: 5
DREAM CHASER

A dull Christmas eve, still it was better than most
I’d heard of winter and snow in places far away
Of cold and frozen waters and rains that fall like powder from the sky
Of words like mist, soft as a whispered kiss
Escaping from lips: red over a pale impression
Muttering words of things of the faraway place

I know not the feeling, only the idea of a place
And whatever feeling it evokes in me the most
Of these foreign notions, I have not one but many an impression
Of wonder and adventure and ways to sail away
On wooden or metal monsters that beckon the sea its cheek to kiss
In the in-between world of salt water, wind and sky

Not so here, no snow in this dry harmattan sky
I’d rather for a change of pace, a change of place
A place of apples and wine grapes and passions that deepen the kiss
Of hopes and dreams and wishful thinking for most
Come hopes! Come dreams! Come insane thoughts and take me away!
Far away, and in my place leave no impression

Rid it! On her alone I made some impression
Of two on a low hill beneath a big grey sky
Her eyes would haunt me screaming, “Why didn’t you take me with you, away?”
“To the place we had dreamed, the faraway place?”
Truth be told, she would prove really good, better than most
Even so, rid me of it with one final kiss

A flickering flame snuffed out with a kiss
It’s dying breath trailing a wispy impression
With that I lost what it was I wanted the most
Bartered for the image of a different sky
Alas a different time in a different place
Yet to find a place to stay that doesn’t lead away

Now a seasoned drifter wandering away
With tales of wonder and adventure and many a departure kiss
With yarns of many sights, yet yearning for only one place
For the place I left, leaving no impression
A place I must go only after I find the perfect sky
It was a dull Christmas eve, still it was better than most

Now in a place far away, making many an impression
Oh how I desire that kiss, under that same grey sky
Despite the faraway place, it is what I want the most
(sigh)
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5/16/2017 1:59:17 AM

Samuel Opara
Posts: 5
Well then.. I'll just assume there's nothing wrong with this piece, it's perfect, and is also beyond the full grasps of the critique committee. Have a good day, folks..
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